Coming Out

So, even though I have had the plan to go to India with my partner Daniel for a long time now, I feel like it only really just became official. Yesterday morning, I went to my boss and gave my 1 month notice. All of the sudden, I'm not just going to India, I am beginning to shed the skins of this my current life and environment. And it's exactly what I need.

I was so nervous going in there to tell her, and telling my co-workers. I was worried they would be upset or disappointed and for some reason, though I know this is only a silly job and something I shouldn't let myself be invested in, I didn't want to let them down. Really, though, everyone so far has been really supportive and positive. I feel like I will be missed, but not resented. Mostly it seems like everyone is just jealous... which honestly is kinda fun. Everyone just wants to be a little more free I suppose.

I really feel like I have to do this right now. I'm pretty discontent with many aspects of my life and environment at the moment, and feel like I need something to jar me from that. And the longer I wait to do something about it, the harder it will be to get away. It is certainly easier to continue with this job, where I was about to be promoted, continue in this city, surrounded by all the same people. I could probably become pretty complacent with it all. I certainly wouldn't be happy or fulfilled by any of it.

I don't think India is going to make me happy or fulfilled either, it's just a step in the right life path direction.

Also, I love it there. A lot. I love the culture, the common law chaos, the dirt, the cows, the dogs, the religions, the people, the smell. But for all these same reasons, the place scares me, or makes me mad and frustrated. Its the sort of feeling you have for your lover, when the same person can excite equal parts of totally opposite emotions.

The logistics of the plan are well in order. I have the plane tickets. Our visas were just finished, and I am hoping to get to the visa office off of Dupont Circle tomorrow to pick them up. It will be so good to see them embedded there in our passports. I'm getting chills just thinking about it now.